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thank you

by thanks for coming

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1.
i say that i’m dying, it’s what i want i’m done crying i will not drown in salt in this bedroom where my limbs have grown too heavy to lift up when i need them i say that i’m leaving, but i’m scared to go i want to believe in everybody that i know or used to know back when we played in dirt before i realized that was all i was ever worth i believe that god doesn’t believe in me you scream that you deserve an apology i believe that god doesn’t believe in me i whisper that i’m so fucking sorry i believe that god doesn’t believe in me you scream you could have been somebody i believe that god doesn’t believe in me you ask me why the hell am i drowning i say that i’m dead, and i mean it now can you see the light six feet under ground like they say in the movies and in your favorite book i wanted to be better but i wasn’t even good
2.
i know that none of this really matters i’ll play alice, you’ll play the mad hatter you look at me from across the train car i’m falling down rabbit holes in the dark i know that none of this really matters i’ll play alice, you’ll play the mad hatter i look at you from across the train car you dig holes for me to fall into in the park i’ll play the queen, you’ll play the flamingoes i’ll be alone forever ‘cause that’s just how it goes i think i forgot how to play my cards cheshire cat don’t rip me apart i know that none of this really matters i’ll play alice, you’ll play the mad hater you look at me from across the train car i’m falling down rabbit holes in the dark
3.
eve 02:30
i am starting to admit i’m weaker than the rest i’m weaker than the rest eve don’t hesitate eve don’t trust the snake eve i’ve made the same mistakes i’m punching holes through walls don’t call me beautiful i want to be something more eve don’t hesitate eve don’t trust the snake you are an artist and i am a fake you are an artist and i am a fake you are an artist and i am a fake
4.
detroit 02:09
detroit is such a sad fucking city and i will probably live there someday as a tribute to my family who have grown tired of the taste of my name i will grow up on the setting sun i will grow up on the setting sun i will grow up on the setting sun i will grow up on the setting sun detroit is such a sad fucking city and i will probably die there someday as a tribute to my family who are the only ones that can see my grave
5.
ok ok ok ok 01:56
i hate when you say “you're perfect” that's bullshit i'm okay, i'm okay don't you notice? you know this you buy me a pink carnation tell me that i'm as pretty as nature but i've seen the morning sun rise i'm the emptiness you feel at night i see through your lines like the windows i sat in back of class staring out of can't you see? i'm made of flaws like permanent marker i can't get off i'm okay, i'm okay don't tell me, i'm everything i'm okay, i'm okay don't tell me, i'm everything
6.
i told you all of my secrets as i bled to life you told me you were often lonely inside you said that we could be like an 80s movie and i’m so stupid that i believed you remind me of a boy i used to know i thought you might be different you remind me why i hate myself i thought you might be different i told you all of secrets as i bled to life i asked you to hang out with me tonight you didn’t respond and i deleted the text because i don’t want to know when you read it
7.
i can count 03:51
you are, you are the one you are, you are the one you are, you are the one i'm just, i'm just someone you don't care about, and i'm not mad you don't care about me when i'm sad you don't care that i have a stupid laugh you don't care that i left and won't come back you are, you are the one you are, you are the one you are, you are the one i'm just, i'm just someone color tv vcr, i'm trying to be something you want color tv vcr, we're fighting again in the restaurant color tv vcr, hidden somewhere in my attic color tv vcr, doesn't work for shit you are, you are, one, you are the one you are, you are, two, you are the one you are, you are, three, you are the one i am, i am, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, someone you are, you are the one
8.
kill me like they killed our boy jesus, back then i’ll play the child and you’ll play the romans i’m so sorry but i can’t save the world from our sins a cross my hands are tied and i’m a shitty person kill me like they killed our boy jesus, back then twelve apostles and no best friends listen to my lies and convince everyone to believe them tell my father that i’m sorry i disappointed him kill me like they killed our boy jesus, back then i wanna be dead, i wanna be dead again kill me like they killed our boy jesus, back then i wanna be dead, i wanna be dead, dead again
9.
it's january 5th and it's snowing right now you told me it was snowing and i said i didn't care and i stayed under my covers and acted like i wasn't scared i told you i was crying and you said you didn't care i stayed inside of my own head and i pretended like i was better i lost of my pain killers that had grown to rely on because i knew had them for whenever to die now i don't know what to do i lost faith in myself i lost everything i bought i lost my own thoughts that had to tell me that i was better than these feelings you told me it was snowing and i said who gives a fuck and i stayed my covers and i'll never feel like enough

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acoustic fuckery

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released January 5, 2015

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thanks for coming Brooklyn, New York

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