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by thanks for coming

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1.
i sent you a message on the internet, glad we could connect you liked my post i posted on the web, glad we could connect i saw you somewhere, i wasn't there, i was in my bed i'm lost in my head, i wish instead i'd just use mapquest i can't say anything cuz you heard it on the internet i can't say anything cuz you heard it from a hypocrite change all of my passwords i got your email tagged it "special" and forgot about it i'll tell you i responded but didn't press send cuz i'm an idiot we've got so much in common like mutual friends, have we even met? here's a link to my website where you can find all of my information i can't say anything cuz you heard it on the internet i can't say anything cuz you heard it from a hypocrite delete all of my accounts i sent you a message on the internet, glad we could connect you liked my post i posted on the web, glad we could connect
2.
sunday evening in the springtime just like this time last year when you change your tone i wonder if i still belong here your smile stings when i’m caught in between and don’t disappear i know the difference between the things that scare me and the things that i fear when will you tell me who i am to you am i anything to anyone when will you tell me who i am to you just tell me that you hate my guts every time i walk away i walk right into where you’re going but when i want to see you, you’re busy so i wind up smoking and when you smoke, i say “no, not tonight, not while it’s snowing” so we don’t talk for months and then you ask me where the wind is blowing when will you tell me who i am to you am i anything to anyone when will you tell me who i am to you just tell me that you hate my guts when will you tell me who i am to you am i anything to anyone when will you tell me who i am to you just tell me that you hate my guts (are we gonna be friends forever) sunday evening in the springtime just like this time last year you won’t say a thing and i won’t say anything either
3.
they can think you’re interesting but they won’t love you they will use you like a flashlight when they want to you will only ever see it in reflections and they’ll tell you all you want is validation they can make you rethink all of your decisions only time can tell but you never want to listen you will only find the questions you can’t answer and they’ll tell you all the light comes from the lanterns you are a character in a film that you can’t watch you are a character in a film that you can’t watch you are a character and you don’t even know the plot you are a character in a film that you can’t watch they can make you out to be some kind of evil they will convince you when they show you your own demons you are a character in a film that you can’t watch you are a character in a film that you can’t watch you are a character and you don’t even know the plot you are a character in a film that you can’t watch (they can think you’re interesting but they won’t love you they will use you like a flashlight when they want to they can make you rethink all of your decisions only time can tell but you never want to listen)
4.
trying 02:40
i gave out all of your contact information just in case someone was out there trying to reach you and somehow lost your number i think he's going under i try so hard to let it go i try so hard to lose control i try so hard to be alone i try so hard just so you know i trace the clouds with the tip of my index finger they yell at me when i tape them down to the paper and we don't disagree they just fucking hate me i try so hard to let it go i try so hard to lose control i try so hard to be alone i try so hard just so you know you've got a way with words and in a way it hurts you've got a way with words and in a way it hurts i try so hard to let it go i try so hard to lose control i try so hard to be alone i try so hard just so you know
5.
numb 01:51
it feels so numb in so many ways i think about everything every single day i get tired whenever i'm awake and it's funny that nothing's really changed i don't want to get by i want things to be different this time i don't want to get by i want things to be different this time when it rings i know it's gone i spend my time turning off and on it always hurts to think at all i wonder if it'll last as long i don't want to get by i want things to be different this time i don't want to get by i want things to be different this time
6.
i've made my decisions and i've learned how to live with them i've made my decisions and i've learned how to live with them we watch it fall to its core pretend that we're different from before we count how fast the hours run hide from all the things that we've done it's strange that we don't talk like that i'd give you all the pain i have if you could give it back to me and say goodbye the next time you leave i've made my decisions and i've learned how to live with them i've made my decisions and i've learned how to live with them we spend our time cleaning up say that it doesn't hurt that much we spin around looking for space take for granted all that we take it's strange that you don't hate me now i watched the sun when it came down so it wouldn't think i left too soon doing my best to think of you i've made my decisions and i've learned how to live with them i've made my decisions and i've learned how to live with them i've made my decisions i'd take all the pain that you're in if you could take all the things to forget i've learned how to live without them
7.
ghost 01:35
you’re a ghost i see right through when you move i look away i don’t know how i’m still surprised when you lie i feel the weight it’s not my fault that i feel something every time you tell me nothing it’s not my fault that i feel something every time you tell me nothing turn the volume up when it’s too loud i look around you’re never home fall in love with the way you feel it’s all too real or all a joke it’s not my fault that i feel something every time you tell me nothing it’s not my fault that i feel something every time you tell me nothing
8.
don't forget about the footsteps i wanna be the only one left you leave me hanging by my shoelace i take the elevator down instead meet me outside on the first day none of it will mean anything you leave me hanging on my lighter i ignore everything that you say i will be in the background for as long as you let me i will be in the background even though i can't breathe walk away at the corner you've always been one to turn i don't hang out any longer i don't wanna be the only one left
9.
how long do you think we have until we can't see the edge and everything looks exactly the same and all of it's bad how long can i play the same chords how long until nothing works and i refuse to replace the parts that i didn't order i walk faster just to get ahead i know that makes me so selfish i walk faster just to get ahead i know that makes me so selfish how long can we play these games without one of us winning i’d rather not lose but i’d do anything you want me to i walk faster just to get ahead i know that makes me so selfish i walk faster just to get ahead i know that makes me so selfish i slow down just to take a breath i give up since there’s nothing left i slow down just to take a breath i give up since there’s nothing left
10.
walking through your old neighborhood i wonder what it’s like to feel good everybody says that it’s great every time i see your name i think back to those golden days when everything was in black and white the light stays on the whole night and i swear that it won’t change and nothing will stay the same stepping on of all the cracks i pray that i can take it back but no one ever stops to write them down falling down the empty room i crawl into the shape of you nothing in the world to make it break the dark turns on every night and i swear that it can change the light dreams aimlessly around the place for days and nothing always walks away
11.
in spite 01:37
i’ve got my hands and i’ve got my plans neither of them work right but maybe that’s just in spite of me of me of me i hope i’m happy you’ve got your feet and you’ve a place to be both of them work fine but maybe that’s just in spite of you of you of you i hope you’re happy too
12.
in two more years i’ll be two more years away from trying to die and i’m sorry i tried i’m sorry i tried i’m sorry i tried i’m sorry i tried in two more years we’ll be two more years away from starting here you could be sincere but then again you’d be someone else completely in two more years maybe i’ll expand my vocabulary you could say i’m repetitive, repetitive, repetitive, repeating i don’t know what i should say and i sure don’t know how to say it maybe i’d just like a minute to figure out some definitions i don’t know what i should say and i sure don’t know how to say it maybe i’d like your opinion but i’d rather not see you ever again it’s been a while since it’s been a while since the last time since and i’m not broken i’m not broken i’m not broken i promise you told me that i knew me and i disagreed but you guaranteed that i was wrong and my thoughts were unclear maybe i’ll just go home or maybe i’ll just disappear like i’ve been trying to say like i’ve been trying to say for the last two years i don’t know what i should say and i sure don’t know how to say it maybe i’d just like a minute to figure out some definitions i don’t know what i should say and i sure don’t know how to say it maybe i’d like your opinion but i’d rather not see you ever again i will change from my molecules into your memories you will change how you remember me, you won’t remember me in two more years we’ll be two more years away from right now it’s all i think about all i think about all i think about all it think about
13.
last place 02:06
everything looks so far from last place it gets hard to stay distracted so i put it off until later i don’t like to lose when i wake up you let me wear your ribbon that you got for participation cuz i didn’t even get one that’s just how it happens it’s so difficult to be by myself i won’t shut up and there’s no one to tell so i go to sleep and stay there i always lose when i wake up you let me wear your ribbon that you got for participation cuz i didn’t even get one that’s just how it happens you let me wear your ribbon that you got for participation cuz i didn’t even get one that’s just how it happens
14.
it’s strange being on the inside of the outside, my body is in circles it’s fine, i see outside the fishbowl it’s mine, i don’t mind, it’s not like i can’t see the rest they’re just like what i see they’re inside my head it’s everything to me we change and things always seem to get untied, i trip over my feet again it’s fine, i’ll say something else to them tonight, i don’t mind, it’s not like i can walk away from everything i see it’s inside my head it’s everything to me i can change my thoughts but i can’t change what they mean so i pretend that i forgot and keep staring out blankly
15.
every second we get closer to the credits i’d regret it but it’s pointless to feel that much if i were older, not a stoner, probably smarter a little calmer than maybe i could fix it up if we were soldiers, had our ammo and our armor we could fight for all the things we love but we watch what we cherish fall and perish and tell ourselves it wasn’t up to us but was it always this way did i always want to run away from these things is it fair for me to want an easy cliche somewhere on the waterfront rewrite the screenplay give into giving up every minute we get closer to the finish i don’t sweat it, never admit i cared at all but i’m a liar, setting fires, just a coward, overpowered and can’t hold my alcohol if i were better, not an asshole, altogether i could brace myself for the fall but i’m a jerk and i know it, always blow it and say that it wasn’t my fault but was it always this way did i always want to run away from these things is it fair for me to want an easy cliche somewhere on the waterfront rewrite the screenplay give into giving up give into giving up give into giving up
16.
take it easy no, take it back pretend like this is the best we’ll have don’t talk all night we stay out late i have never seen what comes after today we are young and we are dying anything else is the government lying i can’t swim so go without me the world is beautiful despite humanity i’ve got my own problems to work out i can’t help but think it doesn’t really matter share the blame with the planet yes it’s our fault she’s on her deathbed take the subway to the station take the stairs up go on vacation it’s kind of funny it’s so ironic we’re so attached and we’re surrounded i can’t swim so go without me to another island where we’re all still lonely i’ve got my own problems to work out i can’t help but think it doesn’t really matter
17.
everybody wants to know you like their parents when they're newborn i don't want to see who you've become i know it's not the same don't subject me to this madness i gave it my all and then some more i don't want you to see all i've done and when it ends we can be on the same airplane pretending like we're aging old friends disregarding all the ways we've changed you look like the television always on and in position catching my thoughts bouncing off the walls it's hard to feel a thing we don't need a perfect monday i'm sure things are going your way you never seemed to notice all the exits in the room i just wanted to say thank you for all the things i can't remember i'm sure i had a good time i'm sure i had a good time please call me when you drown
18.
in my system 02:14
watching the clouds go, they don’t know how much they mean to me they go and take off, they all talk about how easy it is to leave and i want to be just like them but i don’t have it in my system and i want to be just like them but i don’t have it in my system watching the clouds cry, they don’t hide from how they really feel they always disappear, out of here pretending like they aren’t real and i want to be just like them but i don’t have it in my system and i want to be just like them but i don’t have it in my system
19.
pretend 01:38
it's so lonely out today all the things i loved gave way where do i decide my fate i'll take the train there in the morning everyone is turning into something else i don't want to be myself is it just coincidence we're all living in hell and nothing but forgetting ever seems to help it's all falling down tonight everything runs and hides where did i lose my mind i'll look for it there in the morning everyone is turning into something else i don't want to be myself is it just coincidence we're all living in hell and nothing but forgetting ever seems to help we pretend to take it well
20.
when the sky opens up i will wash away with all of the other useless things we will find a home in a useless place and find a way out of time and space i don't wanna be alone i don't wanna be here at all when the ground caves in i will fall to the floor with all of the things that don't care anymore we will find a home in the center of the earth and grow back up when we finally learn i don't wanna be alone i don't wanna be here at all i don't wanna to be alone i don't wanna be here at all
21.
bully 02:42
do the parks get empty at midnight i stay awake but i can’t even wake up rules are rules except when they’re not it looks so easy to be able to break them who told you, you can ride my bike just because your feet are bigger than mine who told you to turn it to ashes we don’t even have the worst of it how long can i spend underwater i’m in a joke that i can’t get out of everybody’s laughing and i laugh too i’m just one more to add to the sum who told you, you can ride my bike just because your feet are bigger than mine who told you to turn it to ashes why did you listen and why didn’t you stop it
22.
indefinite 01:43
don't let me unthread, i won't make it leave me back for dead, i can't take it i'll never be the one at the end i'll wind up negative i'll always try my best i'll wind up negative indefinite stand by the open room, i will want to stay where you always move, i will haunt you i'll never be the one at the end i'll wind up negative i'll always try my best i'll wind up negative in every sense
23.
now that i’m mine, what do i do don’t get me wrong, i’m yours too but it’s kind of hard to be in two places and i’m just starting to recognize faces now that i’m found, i don’t want to lose don’t get me wrong, i’m still lost without you but i don’t want you to live inside my screen i want you to be right here next to me i know that i can be mean and i know that i say stupid things i know that i can be mean but you’re still everything to me when you get here, i’ll know what to do i’ll wake up right next to you but it’s kind of hard right now to say goodnight when you get here we won’t have to say goodbye i know that i can be mean and i know that i say stupid things i know that i can be mean but you’re still everything to me this is an apology i’m sorry that i don’t say sorry this is an apology but you’re still everything to me
24.
do you want to open up the window we can watch the weather go by let’s forget about the reason why not it’s always difficult to talk about it i will write the ending i will sing the song i will go out of town i will not go on the walls talk when they get angry no one listens to her when she cries and it’s so hard to make a lie true but it’s nice to know that you care i will write the ending i will sing the song i will go out of town i will not go on i will watch the ending i will sing along i will stay where you are i will not go on

about

part i: you're welcome - youtu.be/vb2FyQdg9j0
part ii: any time - youtu.be/__EAm8D1xDQ
part iii: don’t mention it - youtu.be/YSLfD_KR5LE
part iv: happy to be here - youtu.be/5bmoyMnOR_0

credits

released July 19, 2019

songs written between march 2017-september 2017
recorded december 2017 in brooklyn, ny

songs by rachel brown
produced by nate amos (contact: thisislorelei2018@gmail.com)
artwork by rowan howe (contact: rhowe1@saic.edu)

vocals/rhythm guitar - rachel brown
drums - nate amos
lead guitar - charlie dore-young
bass guitar - mike kolb

thanks to my family, my friends, and everyone else

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thanks for coming Brooklyn, New York

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