ball out forever

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released April 21, 2017

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thanks for coming New York, New York

mostly sad and stupid and always in my bedroom

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Track Name: ghost
you’re a ghost i see right through
when you move i look away

i don’t know how i’m still surprised
when you lie i feel the weight

it’s not my fault that i feel something
every time you tell me nothing
it’s not my fault that i feel something
every time you tell me nothing

turn the volume up when it’s too loud
i look around you’re never home

fall in love with the way you feel
it’s all too real or all a joke

it’s not my fault that i feel something
every time you tell me nothing
it’s not my fault that i feel something
every time you tell me nothing
Track Name: fit inside
blue background tell me that i don’t blend in
i’ve always been easy to convince
let me win let me win let me take them by surprise
i won’t die in your eyes, it’s always just pretend

i’ll go anywhere that we can fit
my arms stretch too wide for who i am
i like it when the sun’s golden
and maybe someday we’ll fit right in

gray walls hold me close so i don’t feel the friction
i don’t like it when it feels so indifferent
let me in let me in let me take me on my own time
i won’t cry through the night, i’ll fall asleep out of spite

i’ll go anywhere if that’s what you’d like
my arms stretch too wide too wide
for who i am; the sun’s golden light
and maybe someday we’ll fit inside
Track Name: don't take me off
t-shirt don’t take me off
i’m afraid i’ve grown too soft
you’ve got nothing to prove
i don’t need a change of view

we have everything we need

please don’t throw me in the pile
i know i’m such a child
you’ve been washed too many times
when did i cross the line?

do we have everything we need?
can you find it in yourself to forgive me?

t-shirt don’t take me off (let me make my own decisions)
t-shirt don’t take me off (take me off and feel the air on your warm skin)
t-shirt don’t take me off (let me make my own decisions)
t-shirt don’t take me off (i love you but this feels like prison)
Track Name: bully
do the parks get empty at midnight?
i stay awake but i can’t even wake up
rules are rules except when they’re not
it looks so easy to be able to break them

who told you, you can ride my bike?
just because your feet are bigger than mine
who told you to turn it to ashes?
we don’t even have the worst of it

how long can i spend underwater?
i’m in a joke that i can’t get out of
everybody’s laughing and i laugh too
i’m just one more to add to the sum

who told you, you can ride my bike?
just because your feet are bigger than mine
who told you to turn it to ashes?
why did you listen and why didn’t you stop it?
Track Name: last place
everything looks so far from last place
its gets hard to stay distracted
so i put it off until later
i don’t like to lose when i wake up

you let me wear your ribbon
that you got for participation
cuz i didn’t even get one
that’s just how it happens

it’s so difficult to be by myself
i won’t shut up and there’s no one to tell
so i go to sleep and stay there
i always lose when i wake up

you let me wear your ribbon
that you got for participation
cuz i didn’t even get one
that’s just how it happens
you let me wear your ribbon
that you got for participation
cuz i didn’t even get one
that’s just how it happens
Track Name: friends forever
sunday evening in the springtime just like this time last year
when you change your tone i wonder if i still belong here
your smile stings when i’m caught in between and don’t disappear
i know the difference between the things that scare me and the things that i fear

but when will you tell me who i am to you?
am i anything to anyone?
when will you tell me who i am to you?
just tell me that you hate my guts

every time i walk away i walk right into where you’re going
but when i want to see you, you’re busy so i wind up smoking
and when you smoke and i say “no, not tonight, not while it’s snowing”
so we don’t talk for months and then you ask me where the wind is blowing

when will you tell me who i am to you?
am i anything to anyone?
when will you tell me who i am to you?
just tell me that you hate my guts

when will you tell me who i am to you?
am i anything to anyone?
when will you tell me who i am to you?
just tell me that you hate my guts

(are we gonna be friends forever?)

sunday evening in the springtime just like this time last year
but this time i won’t say a thing and you won’t say anything either
Track Name: back at it
stare at my scissors on the ground
but i know they won’t help out
cuz i haven’t been around
and i’m too old for that now

you’re trying you’re trying
you’re always on my side
i’m trying i’m trying
i’ll never be the good guy

say i hate everything cuz i hate myself
it feels better to blame everybody else
it’s nice to know that nothing really helps
at least i know there’s a place for me in hell

you’re trying you’re trying
you’re always on my side
i’m trying i’m trying
i’ll never be the good guy
you’re right there you’re right there
you’re always on my team
i’m somewhere i’m somewhere
i’m lost in between

think about what i’d change for over an hour
probably cry some more once i get in the shower
you have the right to call me a coward
tomorrow will be just like today except more sour

you’re right there you’re right there
you’re always on my team
i’m somewhere i’m somewhere
i’m lost in between
you’re trying you’re trying
you’re always on my side
i’m trying i’m trying
i’ll never be the good guy