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#1 Flake in North America

by thanks for coming

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1.
i cut myself to pieces i cut myself to pieces to feel alive how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant when the waves crash down how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant when the tide goes out how come i feel vacant won’t you meet me in the basement someday i’m getting out of this old town won’t you meet me in the basement buy a ticket at the station how come i feel vacant despite who’s around i killed myself to make it here on time i cut myself to pieces to feel alive every neighbor has a gun i’m lucky i didn’t pull the trigger seventeen the world was bigger now i find i’m growing bitter every neighbor has someone i’m lucky my feet hit the ground the bruises on my neck turned brown and i’d take it all back right now how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant when the waves crash down how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant when the tide goes out how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant when the waves crash down won’t you meet at the station i’m running out of patience how come i feel vacant how come i feel vacant i cut myself to pieces i killed myself to make it
2.
Honey 04:14
oh i’ve got you honey and i didn’t stay and i couldn’t get away i didn’t stay no i couldn’t get away i didn’t stay no i couldn’t the fuck away and i didn’t stay i couldn’t get away i never asked for you you just showed right up i never asked for you i’m dumb but i’m not enough i never asked for you i didn’t want to fall in love i never asked for you i just asked for too much but i wanted to yeah i wanted you i wanted to i wanted you yeah i wanted to no i wanted you i didn’t wanna go go go i didn’t wanna go go go i just wanna know know i just wanna know know i pinky promise that you won’t be my last kiss and but i don’t got money do you want to know my secrets i want to stay so what if i’m heartbroken so what if i’m soft-spoken so what if you’re a free ride i’d lie and say i was jokin
3.
Free Willy 02:50
why would we wince when we wish well hell heaven has high hopes hallowed all anyone answers are allegories let light live let light languish everyone enters endlessly embellished silence sulks slightly centered somewhere i ill advise the king so you buy a diamond ring and we can take our time to talk a little slower but you’re all cut up in nets i spent my breath on cigarettes and things like this have a tendency to blow up so tell me that you love me tell me you’ve been thinking of me tell me i don’t have to charge the gates alone so tell me that the city’s changing tell me without conversation tell me i’m not fucking crazy and that you know why would we wince when we wish well hell heaven has high hopes hallowed all anyone answers are allegories let light live let light languish everyone enters endlessly embellished silence sulks slightly centered somewhere i died on one of those days i think it started with the letter "t" or maybe "s" but it could always be a monday have you ever sat in the rain waiting for the results of a test? it sounds a lot more romantic as a question they shoved the q-tip so far up my nose i saw god it was that or it was a tear silently forming in my eye in front of a stranger i gave my green umbrella to a very tall girl who once lost $500 to a drug dealer named psycho it was the one i found outside of the apartment of the only boy i'd ever marry he doesn't believe in marriage and he no longer answers my calls a few weeks ago i fell in love with a woman for the first time in my life but she is already in love with another woman it's the same kind of irony alanis morisette sings about this is the second time today this exact reference has come up the tall girl told me she had given her ex back their umbrella earlier that morning as we were standing in the rain i would do anything for love i would do anything for love i would do anything for love even stay alive
4.
Panic 02:58
you were perfect i destroyed it you were perfect i destroyed it don’t you hate me now don’t you hate me now you were perfect i destroyed it january i’m no addict is it smoke or clouds don’t you hate me now i had i had i had a dream you were you were in love with me i had i had i had a dream you were you were in love with me i had i had i had a dream you were in love in love with me i had i had i had a dream you were you were in love with me i woke up in a panic ahh january literary you were perfect i’m twenty-three don’t you hate me now please just scream and shout i had i had i had a dream you were you were in love with me i had i had i had a dream you were you were in love with me i had i had i had a dream you were in love in love with me i had i had i had a dream you were you were in love with me and i woke up in a panic ahh i woke up in a panic ahh i woke up in a panic ahh i went back to sleep you were perfect i destroyed it you were perfect i destroyed it don’t you hate me now don’t you hate me now january you were perfect
5.
i'm in waste management i take care of myself i'm “indie” all the way through i don't need you, i don't need you men have died for time and change i don't want to bear my weapons but i'm here the morning after too i might kill you, i might kill you who cares if i'm counting airplanes who cares if i'm chasing their paths who cares if i'm videotaping who cares that they're not flying back if only you could see me cry but you either moved or you died i told everyone that i know you were really something special i'm in line to see my therapist to chat about the big game last night hands on the clock at a quarter to two i can't save you, i can't save you so don't trust me as far as you could throw me you couldn't get close enough to get a grip it's fine if you wanna call me cold in the morning you couldn't tell a heartbeat from a skip if only you could see me there across from the place that we share i tell everyone when i’m leaving at least you gave me a greeting if only you could see me now but you're dead or you don't come around i told everyone that i knew all about, oh, all about you
6.
Zero 03:38
can’t deny a divide amplified side by side modified to collide should have let pluto decide didn’t like the design realized it’s implied set aside the advice should have done something right but i was sitting in a pitch black room and i thought how nice it is to be consumed identify empty eyes preoccupied with the time a demise set aside could have had something nice could have found a compromise could have been simplified but i was sitting in a pitch black room and i thought how nice it is to be consumed and i was floating in a cold dark place and i thought how nice it is in outer space do you miss it an entire planet completely vanished a chance we won’t get again and i am sitting in a pitch black room and i’m thinking how nice it is to be consumed how nice it is to be confused how nice to is to conclude
7.
heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is being born and taking on a name heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is just a line that isn’t worth the wait heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is no response when they said they’re on the way heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is that i know that’s it’s too addicting heaven is a pill i haven’t got my fill and one day it will kill me heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is holding on until it turns to hate heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is watching time tick until it’s yesterday heaven is a pill that takes away the pain and hell is giving up while you’re still trying to explain heaven is a pill that takes a way the pain and hell is running out before it goes away it's a kick yeah it's a habit i'm an addict call it talent place a bet and run a racket it's a kick yeah it's a habit wrecking havoc these things happen i'm an addict it takes practice it's a kick yeah it's a habit it's a kick yeah it's a habit heaven is a pill i haven’t got my fill and one day it will kill me heaven is a pill i haven’t got my fill and one day it will kill me heaven is a pill it's a kick yeah it's a habit i'm an addict call it talent place a bet and run a racket it's a kick yeah it's a habit
8.
i could never be your pet i’ve got too much experience but let me crawl inside your cage i’m learning how to run i could never be your pet but i could be yours you can count the colors i found out i was just like everybody so i gave my life back cuz i couldn’t have what they have i didn’t know my appetite i couldn’t do a damn thing right like stretching or spending a night i couldn’t even multiply let alone subtract and divide but at the very least i’m always fine do ya really dig the distance? i bet you really dig the distance yeah i really dig the distance when the atoms collided i finally saw the art of it all nothing can hurt like a feeling and i didn’t act like i knew what i was talking about until i got home and no one knows the things that i tell myself when i’m alone
9.
in the glow of all the edges of the sun that i can just make out through the trees i couldn’t see beyond the years of war lined up and down the streets way back east heading west i’ve always liked you the best i’ve got the rest of my life to beg or to eat myself from the inside out cuz isn’t that what this whole thing is all about you don’t know what i don’t know i don’t know what you don’t please don’t go oh please don’t go there you go on your own tell me who put all the angles here into the room what a godsend they’ve become since i was young i’ll never know a world without them standing strong it’s been too long in this old house now everyone in love has doubts i’ve got the rest off my life to beg or to eat myself from the inside out cuz isn’t that what this whole thing is about i’ve got the rest of my life to beg you don’t know what i don’t know i don’t know what you don’t please don’t go oh please don’t go there you go on your own again
10.
did you get my email? i was just asking why i'm this way and not another way anways i hope you're good i don't think i don't think i don't think i'm thinking right if i’m not there who is going to find out that the two ships have passed in the night oh the lighthouse doesn’t shine like it used to i heard they tore it down to make room for an amusement park where airplanes take you from one mall to another it costs a lifetime and a half just to recover what good is a piece of mind when i am losing mine? if i’m not there who is going to ask the captain what he has hidden in his pockets? my bet is on a losing lottery ticket and three buttons that belong to his coat the one that he forgot at home his wife irons it every single day wondering when he’ll return she should know by now that the man belongs to sea she’ll see but by it’ll be too late to leave anyways anyways ANYWAYS so how are you? did i ask you that that yet? if i’m not there who is going to point out that all of the water is sinking underneath of itself it’s screaming for help and somebody oughta jump in but i never really learned to swim so it can’t be me don’t you believe i’ve said it so many times can’t we agree that i would most certainly die if i’m not there who is going to play the violin as the ship is going down and everybody else is jumping in who’s going to sing the song? who’s going to call it out? that we lived for the weekend when we were always meant to drown if i'm not there if i'm not there if i'm not there then where else could i be?
11.
this is the closest i’ve come to dying but i’m still in my bedroom i saw it going down down down i thought nothing could save me now now now in that moment it was over the weight of the world slipped off my shoulders i smiled cuz there’s no getting older wrong turn i was so fucking burned out when i learned i was just dreaming about control or maybe the lack there of although in the morning i wake up jesus please just take the wheel it’s in my hands but it’s all too real the car was quiet quiet quiet maybe they felt death was private no one said a goddamn thing and i was too caught up to think that this was my mind on the brink of despair i’ve been so fucking bummed out that i swear all the voices in my head sound just like everyone i seem to know all night but it’s better than being alone good god i can’t take another night cannot i can’t take another night or thought i can’t be the one to drive good god i swore i was about to die
12.
p. 14 04:41
love nothing it not the gushing a desire i be the of if did admit and the that sleeping before has the to perhaps is the beautiful of nature it such gods fashioned and neither nor have complained it women complex not so men be of complexity cannot do understand for rest give much about feel that quite to them life even extricate from where would quite one deal them in own is through feelings that may them is one to and is love a singular process, i see it all it all who made who made who made who made who made who made to organize to maximize to summarize to paralyze to eulogize to finalize another sunset to sunrise to paralyze to finalize to maximize to eulogize to organize to summarize another sunset to sunrise to summarize to eulogize to paralyze to maximize to finalize to organize another sunset to sunrise to eulogize to organize to finalize to summarize to maximize to paralyze another sunset to sunrise

about

thank you to

Nate Amos thisislorelei.bandcamp.com
Alex C alexcnoise.bandcamp.com
Mike Kolb kolb.bandcamp.com
New Goo newgoo.bandcamp.com
Brice Jackson altimetry.bandcamp.com
and Lily Konigsberg lilykngsbrg.bandcamp.com

for making this happen

credits

released September 30, 2021

written and performed by Rachel Brown

produced by Nate Amos (Tracks 1, 4, 7, and 12), Alex C (Track 2), Mike Kolb (Tracks 3 and 9), New Goo (Track 5), and Brice Jackson (Tracks 8 and 11)

additional vocals by Lily Konigsberg (Track 4)

additional words by Remy de Gourmont (Track 12)

mastered by Nate Amos

art by Rachel

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thanks for coming Brooklyn, New York

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