1. |
to be tender
04:02
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stay in the dark, it’s darker out there, stay in the dark, it’s darker in here, stay in the dark, stay in the dark
this would be comforting if i could put my finger on it
this could be what i need if i accepted that it was chronic
but here i am wondering if i’ve ever known what i really wanted
other than suffering, at least my guilt is always honest
that i promise
but who believes a boy who lives in fable
i’m unable to evade my past evasions
and celebrations and worst of all all my temptations
i am tempted to lose my temper just to feel something like centered
i surrender to be tender
stay in the dark, it’s darker out there, stay in the dark, it’s darker in here
this would be promising if we could trust the transformation
we could be processing if we detected the simulation
instead it’s toppling because they demand a tribulation
looking to profiting as if false gods can grant salvation
a desecration
we’ve got everybody on the same side
they don’t realize that we’re losing they’re refusing
instead choosing to root against the home team
bursted pipe dreams in the basement and blood out on the pavement
out of patience, a shortchanged nation
but who believes a boy who lives in fable
i’m unable to evade my past evasions
and celebrations and worst of all all my temptations
i am tempted to lose my temper just to feel something like centered
i surrender to be tender
stay in the dark, it’s darker out there, stay in the dark, it’s darker in here, stay in the dark, stay in the dark
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2. |
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i left the party early
i didn’t even go home
my keys were in my pockets
all i did was run
the streets were undefeated
another winning season
my keys were in my pockets
a new day had begun
the air outside was humid
i wondered how to breathe
my keys were in my pockets
the past was almost done
i thought about calling
but couldn’t find the number
my keys were in my pockets
how do you know someone
i left the party early
i didn’t even go home
my keys were in my pockets
all i did was run
i went to your apartment
you didn’t even live there
my keys were in my pockets
i noticed the world spun
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3. |
thesis statement
01:45
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hang me up like a picture frame
i want to hold something inside
and my back is to the wall
i’m hung up on what’s been left behind
but i don’t care anymore
i’m not here to be adored
no I’m not here to be adored
no i’m not here to be adored
no i’m not yours
my greatest love was limerence
i could never take that risk
cross my heart and hope to miss
sing a song that don’t mean shit
walk around and take a hint
and i don’t care anymore
i’m not here to be adored
no i’m not here to be adored
no i’m not here to be adored
no i’m not yours
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4. |
in a monster's stomach
03:48
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in a monster’s stomach i cried
i didn’t ask for much but tears from my own eyes
and you were on the defensive
claiming casualties of theirs didn’t broadcast in your head
but i’ve seen my hands stained red
yes my body’s bled and oh how it has wept
but i’ve seen my hands stained red
yes my body’s bled and oh how it has wept
much less than the others, i’d give my life for another
inch closer to a world more than this
i see the way you build your house
built from inside out waiting to be burnt down
and i want so desperately to be
a fireplace or something else to hold in all the heat
but i’ve seen my hands stained red
yes my body’s bled and oh how it has wept
but i’ve seen my hands stained red
yes my body’s bled and oh how it has wept
much less than the others, i’d give my life for another
inch closer to a world more than this
but i’ve seen your hands stained red
yes your body’s bled and oh how it has wept
but i’ve seen my hands stained red
yes my body’s bled and oh how it has wept
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5. |
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never occurred to me that here i stand i’m so sorry
i was innocent but a common crook playing war to feel understood
and you could’ve known better, eighteen is all stormy weather
here we are so much silence later, do you hate me or are we strangers
i chose to crash every single time
and i left you there with a peace of mind
i chose to crash every single time
if you called my name i didn’t hear it right
i chose to crash every single time
it’s easier when there’s no goodbye
i chose to crash every single time
but i’m walking back to apologize
others have called me sweet but we know the truth and it’s hard to keep
i left my heart in a sentence scrawled on a page i lost on a phone call
and you could’ve known better, i was eighteen and under pressure
now that i am the bad guy, do you recall the look in my eyes
i chose to crash every single time
cuz i was scared of what i would find
i chose to crash every single time
i got too close to crossing the line
i chose to crash every single time
yes i wanted to leave it behind
i chose to crash every single time
didn’t think about you as the years went by
i chose to crash every single time
and i left you there with a peace of mind
i chose to crash every single time
if you called my name i didn’t hear it right
i chose to crash every single time
it’s easier when there’s no goodbye
i chose to crash every single time
but i’m walking back to apologize
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6. |
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became a heretic, it’s sacred to get sick and see it so clearly
i merely believed it, in greenness, the trap of adolescence
breaking in innocent and taking it for what it is not
i’m caught in between what i’ve been told and what’s been shown in the show we call every single day into the next
give it a rest, at least a heart, another test to tear apart
i hope that they’re warmer or colder just harmless beholders
everything’s expanding except our understanding
and i’m having dreams against the current
i’m currently urgently begging for an answer, a solution, restitution, to compose a constitution of character, clinging onto a conviction, posterity for the poster child of good will
but until i can say more with only one word, the truth is so refracted, our meaning abstracted
we can always do it later
it’s not like i’m any braver
we can always do it later
it’s not like i’m any braver
we will always be neighbors
fated to murder our maker
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7. |
selfishly
02:34
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here i am taking off my shirt just to put another one on
i do the same thing with the shape of my mouth
can you see what i’m talking about
nothing is good enough
i am what i am, what am i, what could i become
does anyone else have questions
yes, can you please shut the fuck up
i would like to be the whole wide world to myself to everybody
but the whole wide world is everybody else to myself like it ought to be
there i go once again talking out loud like i’ve got something to say
it echos straight back right into my head
it’s got me thinking the same goddamn things
i could never be good enough
it’s a myth, it’s a legend, it’s flying for the sun
and falling down into an outcome
even atlas couldn’t hold us up
i would like to be the whole wide world to myself to everybody
but the whole wide world is everybody else to myself like it ought to be
i would like to be the whole wide world but the whole wide world just looks back at me
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8. |
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when there’s nothing left to stock the shelves i’ll buy you a way out
far away from where you came from and where i still hang around
if i could i’d build you a house with yellow walls but we would drown
and nothing will grow in the garden when the garden knows that there’s nothing above the ground
i hope you find a world so wonderful you forget about
the way the world is spinning out of control and pulling us all down
to the bottom
with all the other rotten microcosms
when they’re selling us our air and we cannot afford to laugh
i will hold my breath so i can hear your spirit echo back
if i could i would react but they’ll say our joy is an attack
and everything good we could have had will be a discounted artifact
i hoped to find a world so wonderful we forgot that
they tried to spin the world out of control until we all crashed
to the bottom
with all the other rotten microcosms
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9. |
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excuse my outburst
i only stumbled because
my hands and head and feet were tied
together one knot after the other
does rage find what it wants to become
see the sun shines ever so softly
here i am yet another fixture
oh yes i put my heart in there
oh yes i put my heart in there
and suddenly all there was was dust
i thought i could somehow save enough
all the honest soldiers rust
if they say they must, they must
i’m hoping that
my head is just tilted to the side
to catch the morning when
everything good calls out to itself
the sound of it could rattle your bones
i’m shaking and it’s making me feel quite cold
there once was a lesson but i didn’t learn it
oh yes i put my heart in there
oh yes i put my heart in there
and you wash your hands so so clean
i wonder what it is you mean
you wash your hands so clean
i get nervous trying to be
oh yes i put my heart in there
oh yes i put my heart in there
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10. |
on my own
01:57
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i’m so good here on my own
so why did i yell at you over the phone
why do i yell at you at all
the wounds are open and they’re still raw
you make me feel just like a tool
something you mastered how to use
that makes your spine stand straight and tall
the wounds are open and they’re still raw
so tell me how come i gave you my life
before i even knew what i would find
you knew the whole time what lay ahead
you’ve only ever had to not be dead
so tell me how come i gave you my life
before it was ever even mine
you had yours since you were my age
i watched mine try to grow in a cage
i’m so good here on my own
i know more now than i’ve ever known
and i’ve never held it against you
i just hold it against myself still
i’m so good here on my own
i know more now than i’ve ever known
and i’ve never held it against you
i just hold it against myself still
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